You Can’t Change What You Refuse To Confront

I know we must all agree that no one likes confrontation, and some of us find ways to avoid situations that are definitely the big elephant in the room. These are the reasons why we avoid confrontation:

  • Confrontations go awry and unexpected.
  • It exposes truths about us that we aren’t ready to be exposed or talk about.
  • We have trouble expressing and showing emotions about the issues which is why we avoid them.
  • We find it hard to master our emotions when facing challenges or experiencing fear. We want things to work out “on their own.”
  • We don’t want to seem mean or unemphatic for feeling the way we feel.


Here are some ways to master confrontation, willingly or unwillingly:


1.) Don’t ignore the root of the problem.

When facing a problem, things go awry sometimes due to mixed feelings and emotions based on how both parties are feeling. That’s the whole reason behind the confrontation, meaning the person you’re disagreeing with doesn’t see the situation like you see it. In some instances, confrontation occurs because one party did something to the other party. Whichever case it may be, it’s important to address the problem, and why it’s a problem in order to get to the solution to fix it.

2.) Be mentally prepared. 

We all heard of the saying, “feel, then deal.” The whole problem with that is we aren’t always prepared for confrontation because that’s not the mindset someone wants to carry around like a heavy weight on their shoulders. Every day is unpredictable at home and work. A daily routine can be thrown off track by the simplest thing! No matter what you’re bound to face expectantly (and unexpectedly), take a deep breach and exhale. When you get out of bed in the morning, it’s time to start mentally preparing yourself for whatever life throws your way. With this mindset, you’ll be crushing lemons and making lemonade in no time.

3.) Speak about it in person.

Could it get anymore awkward? Both of you are lashing back and forth about how right you both are. Studies shows that more people would rather confront an issue in person via a phone call or text. Speaking it loudly gives clarity and lets the other person know exactly how you feel. You don’t leave any room for mixed signals or confusion when you express how you feel. Having the courage to be honest with someone in person helps you build the attitude to handle confrontation better.

4.) One day at a time…

Nobody likes being the bad guy and no one likes being the guy that avoids the bad guy. If you find yourself avoiding confrontation like the plague, it’s probably because confrontation didn’t end good for you in the past… or you simply don’t want to address it. The second choice is me. I am her. Before I was a full-time entrepreneur, my old manager once told me that a few women at work thought I was a bit “too forward” per se. Without any thought I said, “They don’t know me.” The conversation was over, but it left me thinking. I love my assertiveness and it helps me with my self-discipline, but I’ve also learned that it doesn’t have to come out in every situation, including my workplace. It is something I have to learn how to apply when needed and express it in the correct way and tone, not out of temporary feelings or emotions.


5.) Reconsider your perspective on confrontation. 

What people think of confrontation: fighting, yelling, arguing, bickering etc.

These are probably some of the words that pop up in your brain when you hear the word confrontationThis is perfectly normal. We are humans that experience daily emotions everyday due to what’s happening to us and around us. And some of those emotions cause us to react to every situation differently. If you feel like you’re never ready for confrontation, remember your voice matters like the other party. Be fearless in speaking on how you feel in a way that shows respect for yourself while not disrespecting the other party. The key is not avoiding confrontation. (It’s life…s**t happens!) The key is mastering how you deal with it, being mentally prepared for whatever comes your way, and knowing you have the power to decide how you react in every situation life hands you.


Until next time,


Check out The 7 Essential Lessons ‘Eat.Pray.Love’ Reminded Me About Personal Growth

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