We have all heard the term “sideline”. Some more than others. But before we get started, let’s discuss the definition:
Sideline Chick/Man- a person dating a person who is already in a relationship or has a spouse.
Many women and men have been in this position even after they swore to ourselves it would never happen to them. Some of us play the position knowing about the other party. Some of us learn the hard way and find out later on the other person was already in a relationship. Whatever the case may be, it all comes down to what you tolerate from a person in a relationship or not. It really saddens me when I see a woman who has the mindset of “I don’t care what he does. As long as he comes home to me.” It saddens me to see a man juggling women when he should be searching for his future wife. Society today has made it seem like “sidelines “and “situationships” are normal and its okay to be in these situations. We have made it appealing and thrilling to people. We have programmed people to think that they can have their reality (main chick/man) and their fantasy (sideline). We see it happening with our own eyes. We see it on television/reality shows. We hear it in music. We hear about it from our friends. Some people who are reading this are going through it now. People who disagree with “sidelines” and “situationships” are mocked and considered to be old-fashioned now. Since when is cheating and committing adultery cute?! Since when is settling for less a good decision?
First off, you have to know. God does not make trash. God does not make someone who is not worth loving. God did not make you just to be a side-order for a person who doesn’t truly love you or doesn’t want anything meaningful with you. You are not the appetizer. You should be the main entree and more!
Most of us get in horrible situations because we doubt our self-worth. Therefore, we accept the role of just playing on the sideline or being with someone who is single, but you don’t have the title of being theirs. This is when the term “situationship” pops up.
Situationship- a relationship with a person who treats you like a boyfriend/girlfriend, but they are not committed to you. Therefore, you are just a bond to them, but you don’t have the title.
Dear Woman: If a man tells you he doesn’t want a relationship with you, BELIEVE him!! If he shows you he doesn’t want a relationship, BELIEVE him!!
Trust me. It will save you a lot of time and a lot of heartache.
If a man tell you he doesn’t want a relationship, don’t ignore it. Just because he treats you like his woman does not mean you have the title. You may have a bond, but in his head, he is still single and waiting for “the one” to come while he is just having fun with you. The truth hurts. You fit all his qualities that he looks for in a woman, but you are NOT his woman. Then you start thinking, “I can change him and make him want to commit to me.” Then you realize months/years have passed and you have remained faithful to a man who doesn’t even belong to you. Take heed ladies, you are in a SITUATIONSHIP, a relationship made up in your head with a “commitment” that only comes from one party: You.
As women, we are more emotional and vulnerable in most cases. This blog is for my men too, but my heart mainly goes to my women because I can relate more to what we go through in relationships.
Dear Men: Proverbs 18:22 says “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.”
As men, you take the lead. It doesn’t make sense to waste a woman’s time if you know she is not the one for you. But in order to find the right woman, you have to seek God first and stop trying to be greedy leading multiple women on. All you are doing is creating drama, bad karma, and the possibility of losing the right woman for you to a man who already hung his player’s card up.
To avoid these situations give yourself a gentle reminder: God will not bring you somebody’s husband or wife. He will not give you somebody else’s blessing. He will not bring you a person who will destroy you mentally.
Most importantly. God has already promised you the desires of your heart. You have to be patient in order to receive them meaning everybody that comes in your life doesn’t mean they are “the one”.
Of course we all want happiness and companionship for life, but the road to get it could be easier if we would listen to God more instead of ourselves. I know the feeling of being weak over a person and going above and beyond to make them happy even when I was slowly dying inside. I’ve been hurt. I’ve been healed. And look at me now… because God will remove the things and people from your life you are not strong enough to do yourself.
There will be people that make you so happy and you feel like you just can’t live without them. But you might lose that person one day for certain reasons…and life must go on. Be careful who you let ENTER your heart and your life because it’s not something you can just throw away when problems occur. People are quick to say the heart “want what it wants”, but you have programmed your heart to feel a certain way because you decided a long time ago to accept a person’s behavior. It makes no sense to complain about a person mistreating you if you keep allowing it and not trying to get out of that situation. Sometimes our heart is just like our eyes when it comes to what we think is love…blind to reality. You can’t change other people, but you can change what you accept. You have to ✔️ yourself if you allow someone else to take away your self-happiness. You have to check yourself if you are playing the position of a sideline or being in a situationship. Remember you are the ENTREE and more. If a person can’t treat you like it, send them on their way. Peace and blessings!