5 Essential Ways to Improve Communication with your Partner

True communication is the key and it’s also the main factor to long lasting relationships. Two people can be in the same relationship and yet see it in two different ways. As a gal in a blossoming relationship going on almost two years now, I’ve learned in my personal experience that bae is not a mind reader and it’s important to communicate in a way and a tone that agrees with both of us. It’s essential to set the foundation of the relationship from day one with honest communication. Here are 5 simple steps you can use to improve daily communication with your partner:

1. Listen to understand, not to respond.

We have the tendency to think of a response first without actually listening and hearing what our partner is saying. The intent is to understand and feel where your partner is coming from, not the intent to reply. As you master the art of observing your partner, you will learn their body language, tone, demeanor etc. As you listen, pay attention to what your partner is actually saying. Strong communication can be the key to not only a long lasting relationship, but it gives your partner a sense of security that they can rely on you when the relationship hits a snag. Always remember its you and your partner vs. the problem, NOT you vs. your partner.

2. Have the right tone for every moment.

Your everyday tone with your partner is a huge foundation for your relationship. In a healthy relationship, the goal is to say what you mean while simultaneously using a tone that helps you guys come up with a solution to the problem you are facing. Your partner isn’t a mind reader and doesn’t know how you feel if you don’t express it! When our feelings go “left” in times of overthinking, we don’t always have the right approach when we discuss our frustrations with our partner. Our tone and attitude changes instantly, and this causes conflict between our partner, putting their defenses up, and blocking out everything we are saying.

Use your past relationships as life lessons. In my past relationships, I was young and didn’t master the art of communication. Instead, I would lash out when I was angry, forgetting I was also setting the tone for my partner when they responded back to my action. A harsh tone usually gets a harsh reaction. A gentle tone usually gets a gentle reaction. It’s not what you say. It’s how you say it.

3. Learn your partner’s “love language” to understand them better.

The 5 love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman is the bible for discovering how to love your partner with they they reciprocate and receive love. As you read the following list below, think about your love language. What is your partner’s love? How can you both improve the relationship?

Honestly, I am a mixture of all 5 languages, but my two strong suits are words of affirmation and quality time. Those are the major ways I want to receive love and affection from my partner. My partner is not as emotional as me lol, so his love language is quality time and acts of service. We both are non-materialistic people, so making memories and growing together is the root for healthy communication for us.

Also keep in mind every relationship is different! What works for the next couple might not work for you guys! When you and your partner both learn how love is reciprocated based on your language, it strengthens the communication in the relationship.

4. Don’t’ just ask about their experiences. Share yours too.

It is so important to take time and be friends with that person before you make them your partner. I’m not saying you have to know every single detail that has happened in their life before you came in the picture, but its good to know the significance and major life events they have been through. Find out what they’re passionate about, life plans, family background, likes and dislikes, etc.

How do you get to know a person better when you first meet them? You communicate with them! The rule doesn’t change in relationships. Form a bond and friendship first. Don’t be afraid to show a deeper side and let your guard down when you’re mentally ready. I have learned healthy communication can break down barriers in relationships. When your partner trusts you and you make them feel secure, “opening up” to you becomes natural to them. A person will always tells an approachable person more.

5. Put your pride to the side. Nothing gets solved if you shut down communication.

Baby, I’ll be the first to tell you I have my stubborn moments! I will act like a brat and won’t talk until I’m good and ready! We all have had our egos get the best of us. We refuse to back down or apologize, especially if we feel like we are right!

I had to change my perspective and realize nothing gets solved if I’m not talking to my partner about the root of the problem. The relationship isn’t blossoming if you’re too busy fighting and overthinking petty things. Of course there will be vulnerable moments in your relationship. There will be times your partner will be stronger than you emotionally and you will want them to have your back. It’s not you two against the world. Do not let pride interfere your relationship, for pride can destroy and create problems you could have avoided.