As The Wife Coach, Lakia “LB” Brandenburg shows women how to get rid of the fairy-tale syndrome and create a more realistic vision for their marriage and role as a wife. I had the pleasure to catch up with Lakia as we discussed how she built a business as an instructor, the lessons marriage has taught her, how to deal with issues in marriage, and healthy friendships between married and single women.
What inspired you to be a wife online instructor?
LB: “Teach Me How to be A Wife, my signature online masterclass, the only masterclass that’s changing married women into happy, successful wives, was created to offer women from all over the world an intimate class to show them how not to be a “married” woman, but to be a wife. I receive DM’s where women have admitted to not showing up in their marriages as the wife they want to be, and this class would be a tool to show them how to do that. My masterclass is an extension of my live broadcasts on IG and my two relationship-based books that really goes deep into showing women how to get rid of the fairy tale syndrome and create a realistic version of their marriage.”
What are the most important lessons marriage has taught you so far?
LB: “Marriage will mature you or expose the immaturity in you, so it has taught me that I had some growing up to do. A large percentage of marriage is how you talk to each other (communication), so learning how to tame my tongue has been one of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned. The way we talk to each other will affect every area of our relationships, and in my experience, it has been the root cause of many marital problems.”
What do you love most about being a coach to other wives?
LB: “I love happy, healthy women first! And when they are connected to happy, healthy men, they can create happy, healthy marriages. I’m passionate about helping women to tap into the power of their position as wives. When wives understand who they are in their marriage and the power of influence they have over their husbands, it’s a beautiful thing to see them grow and evolve as a couple and by becoming more aware of it and being more intentional, they can be more intimate, have better communication where they talk to each other and not at each other, enjoy each other’s company, and really live out their own version of an imperfect happily ever after story.”
As a married woman, do you feel married women and single women can have healthy friendships?
LB: “Absolutely. But you may have to redefine what that relationship will look like. Of course the dynamics of a single woman and married woman’s friendship will change due to the different seasons that the women are in. I have single friends, but the way we interact has changed because LB is a wife and mother of two. I have single friends who can hop on a plane and travel to an exotic destination at any moment, where I have to plan and consult with my hubby because it’s not all about me. There just has to be a mutual understanding and respect and that’s what makes any relationship/friendship work.”
What do you think it takes for a person to find their true purpose in life?
LB: “They have to Q.U.I.T. First, QUIET your mind and hear from God. Most of the time our thoughts are ALL over the place and we haven’t been still long enough to connect with Spirit. Next, you must UNDERSTAND what God has called you to do, whether it’s paying attention to what you’re good at, your talents, gifts, passion, etc and how you are to use that “purpose” in the world. Third, INITIATE a plan that will be your road map or GPS to where you want to go and then. This is important because if you fail to plan then you plan to fail. Lastly, TAKE ACTION knowing that you can have all the faith and desire in the world, but if you don’t put ANY footsteps to the ground, nothing will happen and you will not find OR fulfill your purpose.”
Has a mistake ever led you to success?
LB: “Yes, every single time. Early in this entrepreneurship journey, I tried to avoid mistakes because I wanted to be perfect and appear perfect, and didn’t want to risk making costly mistakes. But it was in those mistakes (that I couldn’t avoid) that I learned the biggest lessons. I started looking at failure and mistakes as life teaching me valuable lessons and by having that perspective I have been successful.”
How was your life as a single woman before you got married? What’s the most important lesson you learned in that stage of your life?
LB: “In my early 20s, I was trying to figure this thing called life out. I was a typical single woman, dating my boyfriend-turned-hubby, you know, going through the motions. But when I started to see all of my single friends getting married and “starting their lives.” this caused a little jealousy and the “Woe is me!” “When will it be my turn?” attitude to take over. But I wasn’t ready to be anyone’s wife; I was more focused on the idea of getting married. So I had a lot of learning and growing up to do in my 20s, and most of it was getting to know who I was a woman and love her unconditionally.”
Marriage is beautiful when it’s for the right reasons. Why do you think some women want to rush the marriage process?
LB: “Let’s be real. Women get lonely and come to a period in their life where they have everything (career, business, kids, friends, etc.) but they don’t have the love of their life. Most women want to be share their lives with someone and the thought of getting married will fill that “void.” But jumping into marriage unprepared is as wise as jumping into a pool and not knowing how to swim. Preparation takes time and rushing into marriage is not a wise move to make. I wanted to rush the process too, but thank God that Derek and I slowed down long enough, spending almost a year in premarital education and training to create the marriage we currently have today.”
What’s the best piece of advice for a woman who is tired of waiting on marriage?
LB: “Most people are more concerned with finding the right spouse instead of becoming the right spouse. So, here’s your homework: Create a list of everything you want in your hubby (with a focus on the internal/spirit) and then … become your list. You will attract who you are, not necessarily want you think you want.”
What’s the best piece of advice for women who are facing tough times in their marriage?
LB: “A trying time in your marriages is not a time to stop trying. First ask yourself, how did we get here. Take a step back to look at what you and your hubby have been arguing about or disagreeing about? Do some self-evaluation and own your ish (issues). It’s not all your fault BUT think about how you contributed to the “tough” time. Another thing is the remember that tough times don’t last always, but tough people do.”
What is your personal motto? (Feel free to add your bible verses too)
LB: “I’ll share on of my favorite the quotes by Nelson Mandela that I recite every day after my morning run or workout: “It always seems impossible until it’s done.”
About Lakia Brandenburg