Past relationships are either a lesson to us or a heartache. Whatever the reason may be, it simply didn’t work out because it wasn’t meant to be. Whether you are dating or in a courtship with someone, it is important to not justify on why you stay in a relationship that is not right for you. We all take the wrong way a time or two in our life. As for me, I have had my shares of wrong men that entered my life. It took me bad relationships to break me in order for me to learn what I don’t want/need in my future spouse. Yes, I said spouse. As I get older, I don’t date for fun or to pass time. I look for the qualities I want in my future husband. The person you are with should be a REFLECTION of the person you want to be, hence I didn’t say the person you are now, but the person you want to BE. In other words, the person should motivate and build you up to the highest potential! Your significant other should care what path you’re taking in life if they see a future with you. If you’re an apple, you should be dating a apple. If you’re an orange, you should be dating an orange. Everything and everyone will not mix!

For The Women…

Stop making cheap and low standards and then wonder why every man that comes your way thinks he has a chance with you! The right and wrong men will try to pursue you, but it’s your decision who you let sit at your table honey. Set your bar high and see which one can “afford” to come to your table! When I say the word “afford”, it has nothing to do with money. I’m talking about SUBSTANCE. How is this man going to make you a better person? What does he offer? Why are women so afraid to ask men what can they bring to the table 😕?! If you’re pursuing me and I invite you to my table, be ready to meet my standards and I will meet yours. You get what you aim for. I can’t have a man at my table who does not honor me or doesn’t care if he loses me tomorrow. If a man doesn’t fear losing a good woman, the woman has power to make him feel like he never existed to her.

Hurtful Truth…

There are many good men out here who meet good women, but they mess up the process to form a relationship because they have to have the upper hand. The woman can’t be too demanding because he will feel like she is “rushing” him to commit. She can’t be too “independent” because he will feel like she doesn’t need a man. He can’t be too clingy because she will know he really likes her. He can’t spend too much time with her because she will expect consistency. Why must we play mind games and then wonder why the relationship took a wrong turn or why it hasn’t became a relationship yet? I have a learned there is a slim chance to NONE a woman will leave a man who makes time for her and makes her feel special. Some men don’t have the quality time to give to a woman because they are too busy juggling other women. Then they expect the woman to wait on him because he doesn’t want to be tied down yet. He expects her to be patient while he grows up and is mature enough to be with just one woman. The problem is some men think nothing is wrong with this thinking. The worse part is some women accept this from a man. The worse part is you wait for a man and he picks another woman to be with when he does settle down. Queen, wear your crown and move on if this is the case. If you are single, you have the right to date other people. Love is a war out here. Love is a card game. If you got a good card, don’t put it back on the table because they are other players dying to get the card you have. Some of us are still trying to play with the full deck, but is hurting the one who just wants to be our star player. If you found somebody good, you better keep them. If you don’t, somebody else will grab them and you will be the one looking crazy in the end realizing that you let “the one” go. Then here comes the “I Miss You” texts when you realize you messed up something good. ‪You Snooze. You Lose.

Until the right man comes along, focus on being the woman you want to be not only for yourself, but it will save you time when the one for you comes in your life. Trust the process. Life doesn’t come with a handbook. Don’t beat yourself just because a relationship you thought would be forever turned out to be the very thing that you don’t need. Give yourself time to heal and be busy loving yourself. If you love yourself to the max, you will not be with a man who can’t give the same or higher.

Blessings, 

Zip.