Hey my loves,
Today is the day where we celebrate Fathers. ❤
The biological and non-biological men in our life who love us, protect us, show us wisdom, and the fathers who prove by their actions that their day is just as important as any other holiday. Sadly, I know a lot of people who sweep “Father’s Day” under the rug like another normal day and in most cases, the reason for not wanting to celebrate Father’s day (in a broken woman’s point of view), comes from a root that developed over the years of coming from a broken or single parent home, and other several reasons. No matter what the case may be or what we have struggled with, we must remember it’s still extremely important to support this special day for the fathers and father figures who deserve every ounce of acknowledgement.
I was torn about whether I wanted to write and share this blog….I felt a lump in my throat because I was going back and forth about it. Sometimes, its hard to share something that you haven’t fully healed from, but it’s refreshing to know you’re healing when you’re taking steps to let all the hurt go….
And that’s me….
I’m 31 and I still have daddy issues that are still being resolved in my life. Even though God blessed me with father figures, strong grandfathers, and a great stepdad throughout my life, writing this blog opened up wounds that are still healing with my relationship with my biological dad. And that’s fine. The most important thing is both of us are trying to establish a healthy relationship now. If you’ve been following me a minute, most of you know I was raised by a strong single mom, and the absence of my father in my adolescent years created a certain perspective I had about men. I was mad inside …and vouched to myself I wouldn’t need a man for anything. I didn’t trust a lot of men whatsoever because of the perspective I grew about them over the years due to my hurt and resentment for my own father. It sounds crazy, but I know there’s a woman out there reading this that can relate.
My inner hurt was showing in my actions and it showed in my relationships with men and the type of men I found myself attracted to. I had the mindset that I have to “get them before they got me.” I was hurt by men in my past that allowed me to also hurt other men who wasn’t out to hurt me at all. How crazy is that? The feeling of retaliation in my own way was destroying me mentally and I didn’t even realize it in the beginning. It took years and a lot of prayer to get to the place of healing and letting go of the things I couldn’t change in my relationship between me and my father. I do have a good relationship with my biological father now, and our relationship now is what I’m focusing on.
Despite our hurt, we have to remember our parents aren’t perfect either. They never were. They never will be. They are still struggling with things in their childhood and past just like us.
Growing up, I was mad at my father for missing birthdays and important moments, not being there when I was crying over stupid lil boys that weren’t good for me, and not filling that void that was missing in my heart. I felt unwanted for years. Over the years, God instilled forgiveness in my heart. Despite my daddy issues, I blossomed and came out with tough skin and a soft heart. God sent father figures in my life to fill that void I was missing that allowed me to change my perspective on men in a brighter light that only he could do. Most of all, I didn’t forget to love others and know that I am worthy of love.
To The Fatherless Daughters: It’s hard….God hears you. When you carry around the heavy weight of your burdens with you instead of letting them go, you only hold yourself down. Forgive the men who hurt you even if they don’t deserve it. The forgiveness you give them isn’t for the men who let you down in your life…forgiving them is for you.
To The Daughters Who Lost Their Fathers: I’m not about to sit up here and write like I know how you feel because I don’t. The closest men to me that I lost both to cancer were my grandfathers. What I do know is… God is a healer, and no task or inner hurting is impossible for him to heal. Losing a person who is a part of you isn’t something you will never be prepared for…and you will never forget them and that pain you carry everyday. The pain may never go away and some things may trigger up some wounds. Losing someone you love makes us want to go back and retrieve all the memories that we took for granted. Cherish the people you love. Life is too short. Make sure you experience life to the fullest with the people who leave an impact on your life.
“The hole in my heart won’t go away. I will always want my father. But the pain of the day is eased by those in my life who have patched up that hole and made it smaller. “
To The Fathers: As a woman, I appreciate everything you do as your role as a father and as a man. Because of you, a generational curse is broken and restored. You are a hero to your sons and daughters. You are a hero to the ones you love that look up to you as a father. You wear an invisible cape and carry most of the worries of the world just to make sure your family doesn’t go without. We applaud you. We love you. You are appreciated. ❤
Until next time,