You might be the woman that feels like she is always going to a wedding. All of your friends are in happy relationships and some are engaged/married. Everybody is happy and in love. The idea seems so far fetched to you. All you want right now is the guy you like to text you back. You have to get to know him and do the dating process. Some women have been through so many failed relationships that even liking a guy is EXHAUSTING now. You look at your happy girlfriends and you wonder: when will it be MY time to be happy? When will my King come? When will I get married and have kids? Why hasn’t God blessed me with these things yet? First, you need to stop comparing your happiness to others and realize that everything is not always how it seems. Yes, marriage is beautiful if the vows are from the heart and truly meant, but some people are only getting married to have a “wedding”. Think about it. It’s hard not to, but don’t question God why you are still single. This is the time to become the woman you want to be. God hasn’t forgotten about you. He is just cleaning you up and possibly cleaning up your future husband too (which is why you haven’t gotten/met him yet). I know you’re tired of all the bad apples, but you can’t give up. Don’t get discouraged. Never feel bad for being a woman who won’t settle for just anyone just to say she is married. Your King is coming. Just focus on you and God. He will do the rest. 

“Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4).” Keep on delighting God and he will give you everything you deserve, including your future spouse.

If you can, wait until you get married to have sex. Easier said than done, but let me tell you a story…

I had a conversation with a middle aged woman about the power of waiting and practicing celibacy. When she asked my age and discovered I was twenty-seven with no kids, she was slightly surprised and she asked what was I waiting on. I answered. “For God to send me my life partner, my future husband.” 

She replied. “That’s wonderful.” 

Then she asked. “You say you are waiting on God, but Are YOU ready? Are you ready mentally and spiritually to become one with another person for a lifetime commitment?” She stared at me. “A physical connection can be shared with anybody. What does it prove though with no meaning behind it?”

 I agreed and said I know that people use sex for many various reasons and I am guilty of this in the past also. I told her I never really thought about celibacy until recently when I was thinking about my past relationships and how they all failed…for a reason…for something better in store. I made mistakes in the past and I don’t want to keep going in the same wrong direction. The flesh is weak and it takes dedication to stick to a personal choice like that. I know celibacy would be beneficial, not only to the person I’m destined for, but also beneficial to me and keeping something special and sacred for something you should only give your husband anyway. 

She nodded in agreement. “The right man for you will understand if you want to be celibate, and if he doesn’t understand, then he isn’t the one for you. God will give you the kind of person you pray for, but there will be tests of faith and temptation before the right one comes along. All of these bad men that broke your heart…forgive them. Believe it or not, it was their job to do that to prepare you to be a stronger woman for the RIGHT man. If he makes sex a big deal and it seems like he is forcing you to change your values,  then move on. Clearly that’s not what you prayed for.

” She smiled. “Your vagina will never be confirmation for a man that loves you. That is the least important part in the relationship.” Become what you want to ATTRACT.  Never chase a man, let him pursue you and by pursuing you, that means ALL of your being, not just what he thinks you can do in the bed or how you look. Carry yourself the way you want your partner to carry his. With self-respect and dignity. She stared at me. “You know exactly what you want and that’s the first step. Don’t fall for anyone that doesn’t meet your standards or doesn’t want to meet them.” 

She said I was a rare breed because she doesn’t meet a lot of young ladies that actually wants to practice abstinence. All I’m doing is learning from my mistakes in the past and experiencing growth. You can’t do the same things over and over and expect different outcomes. God works in mysterious ways. Don’t underestimate him.
The woman continued with her story. She said. “The first day I met my husband, I told him I had been celibate for a year and I plan on staying celibate until marriage. He gave me a hesitant look like he didn’t know how to respond. Then he gave me a inquiring look. I had peaked his interest to a whole different level than he was used to. Eventually we started dating and things got serious, but I still kept my promise to myself. Don’t get me wrong. I was celibate, but I damn sure wasn’t dead. I’m still human which means my hormones rage just like anybody else. Temptation would occur but I kept my promise to myself and God. We were happy. Then the worst happen: he cheated on me and slept with another woman. Of course I blamed myself. I felt like I wasn’t providing the needs to keep my man, but instead of hating him, I just prayed harder and let him go and left him in  God’s hands. Clearly i know who i was and what i wanted. He was the one who wasn’t ready for this kind of commitment. I was single again for about a year. Somehow, God had us cross paths again and he was a better and changed man this time. It took a while to earn the trust back, but we practiced celibacy again for two years until we got married. We have been happily married now for thirty years with two beautiful children and I wouldn’t change a thing…not even the cheating part because we had to go through it to get where we are today. Being celibate doesn’t mean the man is going to cheat, but having sex with him doesn’t mean he is going to stay either. Be forward with him from the beginning. Let him become a man. If he loves you and wants you, he will find a way to make the sacrifice to be with you… not be a burden, but a blessing to the both of you.”

Xoxo,
Zip