While sipping on my green tea frappe at the local PJ’s coffee shop, I stopped in the middle of writing my upcoming book, “The Joys of Singlehood”, and thought to myself, “Dang! As a Christian woman, the struggle is real when it comes to dating!”
Sure, I know we’re supposed to wait until God brings our “soulmate” into our life, but if you’re human and fallen short like me, you’re hardheaded, have disobeyed God, and tried to get to know and date people that you had no business connecting with in the first place. In the result, you repented and promised our Father you would chill out until he brings the one he has chosen for you.Even though you liked the new guy, all the red flags were present, but you decided to take a stab anyway. What do you have to lose? At least, that’s what you thought in the beginning. Don’t feel bad honey, we’ve all done it! If there was a degree given when it comes to dating the wrong men, I would have my Masters by now!
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.Ephesians 4:2-3
The first struggle is finding out if a man either wants to DATE you or COURT you. Yes ladies, it is a major difference! Courtship with a man is the decision you both make together by putting God first and leaning on his will, which means possibly leading to marriage in the future. Purity and avoiding temptation are some of the main factors in courting. It’s a beautiful relationship with the right person, but it’s also harder because you are not in control of the relationship, God is. When you decide to “date” someone, its a different ball game. Dating seems more appealing to society than courtship does. Now when you’re dating someone…eh…sometimes God is involved and sometimes he is not. Sure, it might be fun, but just because the two of you love God and his son Jesus doesn’t mean you are both on the same page. Unfortunately, purity is not the number one priority in dating. The flesh and temptation often speaks in relationships that doesn’t revolve around God. I have experienced both courting and dating. Let’s just say both experiences taught me the good and ugly about myself. And if you’re a woman who has never had a courtship with a man, don’t knock it until you try it! You just might meet your future husband boo!
The second struggle is finding someone who is equally yoked with you. Not half yoked, almost yoked, but EQUALLY yoked. Even though the phrase “equally yoked” is a cliche, it is in reference to the bible scripture, 2 Corinthians 6:14 that states, “Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?” Equally yoked doesn’t mean the man you’re with will have the same upbringing, education background, goals, finances, etc. as you. It just means both parties are believers of God’s word and are on the same page according to their mindsets. Sometimes being equally yoked doesn’t mean the relationship will make it. We might meet a fantastic person we love and honor, but it’s not always a fantastic fit for us.
The third struggle is being patient until you meet your Boaz. As women, we have the ideal man in our heads from mental to physical looks. We get frustrated in dating, but get excited when we find a man that has 8 out the 10 traits we want. You have to ask yourself, Are the traits you’re picking for your future spouse the same traits God has picked? But what if your future relationship comes totally opposite of what you want? Prepare yourself to accept that things will not be the scenario you made up in your head. You have to be open-minded and know if your standards are reasonable or just plain impossible. You never know what’s you’re missing out on if you’re too busy obsessing over your “trait checklist” instead of living and thinking outside your box.
The fourth struggle is everything will not be a fairytale. As a Christian, we have it even harder because God expects the best from us which isn’t always easy.We don’t always connect with the person he wants for us simply because we decide to lead ourselves instead of letting God lead us. There will be days where you will have to pray as hard as you can. There will be heartaches. Every courtship and relationship will not work out how you want it too. Cinderella and other fictional cartoon characters who found their Prince Charming on the first try doesn’t always apply in real life. It bugs me when Christian married couples are always willing to talk to singles about the good in marriage, but they never want to discuss the ugly parts. As a single Christian woman, I need to hear both sides so I can be mentally prepared when my time comes. Ignorance is bliss, but I don’t want it involved when it comes to dealing with my future husband. And I know for sure God doesn’t want to see me get my heart broken over something that could have been avoided.
The fifth struggle is everybody will not agree with your values. You might meet a fine man who you want to be with, but he might be an unbeliever and that doesn’t sit well with you. So you have to fight your flesh and decide to not be with him. Then again he might be a believer,but God only sent him in your life to be a lesson. Your friends and family might think you’re being too picky and ridiculous on your standards, but remember they are not the ones in your Christian walk. They are not the ones who have to be with the person God destined you to be with. It’s your struggle, not theirs.
To all the Christian women who are reading this: single, in a relationship, in a situationship, or whatever it may be, just know THE STRUGGLE IS REAL out here for us! And for those who read my blogs, yall know I don’t have time to sugarcoat anything. It is not easy being a Christian woman on any level in life, but I know Greater is He who lives in me and also you! So when you’re feeling down, also remember this scripture:
“She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her.”
Hang in there honey. When you meet the right man and when God finally says YES, all of this will be worth it.
Blessings until next time,
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